The past weeks (or months) I have had an outlook on my life, mostly to do with my novel.
I have had the privilege to bring what’s on my heart to God yesterday. And earlier today I talked to a close friend of mine about it as well.
I’ve told myself that God helping me as a partner. We are working on the novel together. But the past weeks, the progress is at a standstill. I realize that I’ve only worked on it when I felt God telling me about a part of the story. I don’t sit down and start writing, I wait until he tells me to.
Which… isn’t often. Or I’m just not hearing him because of all the other things around me.
I had the mindset that God created Atniuq, the novel setting, and I am simply discovering the world.
But I got it all wrong.
God didn’t create Atniuq, I am. That doesn’t mean I can do it without God, though. I need Him. But…
Here’s an analogy:
There’s a student that walks up to a blank canvas and paints. All the tools are there. The student picks up the brush and dips it into a paint. The student puts the paint to the canvas, a beautiful landscape in their head.
But slowly, they see that they have no idea what they are doing.
But the teacher walks over. They put the brush down and go to a new canvas. The teacher shows the student different strokes they can us. They explain and demonstrate how to blend two colors, and how to shade. The student listens, practicing themselves on other canvases. When they have a better understanding of the techniques, they take out a new canvas and start.
They go through the steps they’ve learned. The teacher watches, sometimes asking why they chose a color, or what the student is creating. The teacher isn’t judging the art, but making sure the student understands what they are doing. The teacher shows the student how they can use a mistake to add to the picture, instead of tossing it away. The teacher doesn’t hold the students hand, or give the student a picture to recreate. The student makes their own picture.
But the student couldn’t create the picture without the guidance of the teacher.
That’s how this is. I’m not saying that I can write my novel without God. I’m saying that God did not give me my creativity and imagination for Him to hold my hand through the revision process.
He gave me the tools. He allowed me to gain knowledge of spelling, grammar, story structure, etc. I don’t even think about those things consciously anymore. They are like knowing the basic colors and brush sizes. It’s second nature.
God gave me my creativity to think of the idea. He also gave me references, the world and people around me, as insight, not to copy, but to inspire.
I’ve been scared that what I write won’t be perfect. But I should know that it won’t. It used to line up, but now that needs to change. So I’m just… I need to know that God will help me, not do it for me.
I shouldn’t be afraid of mistakes. Because you never know what they can lead to.
God put a verse on my heart:
“Walk by faith, not by sight” ~2 Corinthians 5:7
I feel like I’m at a standstill right now. I have a canvas with some paint on it, but I’m not sure what to do with it.
But I just need to sit down, pick up the brush, even for a little each week, and get something added. It could be crap, it could end up in the final draft.
Either way, it’s progress. And God will be there every step of the way.
…Just not the way I thought before.
Created to Write